Relationship "palava"

I am in a new relationship (4 months). In most ways it is great. But there is one thing that bothers me uncontrollably. Just before we got together my girlfriend was dating someone else. It got a little intimate, but he wasn’t able to follow through due to his own issues. After that, it didn’t work out romantically for them. Then she met me. She kept talking to him, but was open and honest with both of us. He was a friend, she was dating me. But, after she told him about me, he got very sexual and suggestive in his conversations with her. She was very honest with me and told me all about it. Things that happened made it obvious to me what his motives were (to get her back) but she was unsure. She felt he was joking, and that’s just the place he was at in dealing with losing the romantic aspect of the relationship. It bothers me that she never hung up on him. She eventually asked him to stop, but only after I asked. She tried to let him know where she was at with me, but has always seemed (in my thinking) to soften it as if she’s afraid to hurt him. He is a little messed up and has told her she is the only friend he has to talk to. As far as I know, he still talks to her about his very personal problems. We have had many fights about this. It’s about the only thing we’ve ever fought about, or at least it’s at the root of it all. I can’t stand to think that she kept him as a friend, even after knowing how much it tears me up inside. She wants me to accept that she loves me (though she struggles to share her true feelings for me) and accept she only feels for him as a friend. She won’t choose to walk away from him, I can’t walk away from her, but I can’t stand him being in her life. I am convinced he has ulterior motives, but she is convinced he’s somehow over them. I don’t think he’s healthy minded enough to get over them. It is a stalemate. If it comes up again, she will walk out on the conversation. I am all eaten up inside, and I see no solution. I need help. She is incredible to me, and she cares about me (but I don’t think I’m incredible to her). I wish I could accept it but I can’t get over it. I’ve thought about walking away, and I don’t have problems dating, butI’ve never met someone as special to me as her. Other than this she is so wonderful. I am totally stuck, and totally exhausted emotionally. It’s a stalemate, and I loose no matter what I choose.

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